Did you hear about the girl who failed her exam on co-ordinate geometry because she spent all of her time at the races ?
She put de horse before Descartes.
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first mathematician says to the barkeep, "I'll have a pint, please."
The second says, "I'll have half a pint, please."
The third says, "I'll have a quarter a pint, please."
Before the fourth can say anything, the bartender replies "I understand." and puts on the counter two pints.
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Theorem. A cat has nine tails.
Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.
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Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
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"Statistics shows that most people are abnormal!"
"How that?"
"According to statistics, a normal person has one breast and one testicle..."