Hi.

I hope this question doesn't get me kicked off - I mean no offence. It is (I think) a maths question. Maybe 'discrete' isn't the right category but it seemed to fit (in an English language type of way - probably not a math way).

Phew. I'm nervous as hell... Sod it. Here goes...

OFFENSIVE WORDS FOLLOW. Sorry, but I need to use the words to ask the question.

(big space follows so those who don't want to see will not see)

OK

I'm after a "wanking" algorithm.

This started off when I told my friend I was learning Android programming. We (drunkenly) came up with the idea of a "wanking" game with a cartoon character - the accelerometer being ideal for... ahem. movement. We thought it would look funny watching people play.

My question is... can you come up with the most efficient wank algorithm?

I realise there are so many factors involved.

"Slow, slow, slow, slow, slow, quick" - way too basic.

There has to be a math way.

Apologies for any offence - I needed to ask math buffs.

Kind Regards,

Matthew